:(

Love dead.

http://mycontradict.wordpress.com

When it has faded

I feel so tired.

I feel so lazy and restless to do anything now.

I had a dream

I dreamt of you.

Just you, only you and you.

With loves.

http://mycontradict.wordpress.com/

Deciding

Should I move back?
Or let this blog be the history?

http://mycontradict.wordpress.com

Hello

It's been a long time since I last update here. Well, I will move back to blogger once I get sick of wordpress :) Just changed the template and format as I get sick of the previous skin and is lazy to look for a new skin. Has blogger change?

MOVED

Blog Moved
http://mycontradict.wordpress.com

upside down

好一个沉重的心。

alone

a bad day ..

screwed O'level Listening Comprehension. I wasn't concentrate to the radio broadcast. Somehow my mind was at another side :(
Dinner at Lot1 with Angelia and Sinle. HK cha can ting is so much better as compared to HK cafe, as in taste.

New hairstyle. A brand new Phanie. I think i will die and be super frustrated tomorrow. F&N will really spoil my mood. Seriously hate IT Resource Room 3 computer! super lack and cannot open my file. And i have to re-do the table again @^%$#@% !!!

currently down with slight flu, sore throat.

undesirable

直直的照着两个人的 晚霞正在闪耀着

到现在为止好象没感觉到什么

内心深处热热的

说什么即使一个人也无动于衷

这样劝说着 也只是对自己说谎

像这样生活过 但是

从今以后与你永不分离

无论多少次 都会给你

你所找寻的东西 溶化所有的迷惑

有生之年 forever love

斜坡上 靠近的长长的影子

握着的手的触觉

温柔的 柔软的

好象抹去了苦闷的感觉

在描绘着怎样的未来呢

幼年的你的样子在空中

浮现出来 找寻到的一号星

现在送给你

无论多少次 都会歌唱

为了如此重要的你

在这个世上的唯一的 确实的

宝物 believe in love

无论什么时候

都有始终守护的自信

刺入心中的那棵刺

如果将它拔除 我们互相拥抱着

遥望那无止境的梦想

无论多少次 都会实现

你所期望的全部

在这个世上唯一的 确实的

有生之年 我们两个人

missing in action

Currently wouldn't be using phone at the moment. If you're lucky, you can get through me. I just need some peace.

Feel so unwell now. I seriously wonder why am i sweating like a pig in the middle of the night when the air conditioner is on. I felt so dizzy and weak. Till i need to sit down on the kitchen floor to eat bread. And the feeling is back now.
Isn't bad to fall sick anyway. Cause can lose some fats.

Creatures

A heavy heart.

I'm sorry to say that I hate you when I don't.

Sad to say, I'm speechless.

You made my life upside down.

Your existance did make a huge difference.

/-

You made me realise all this was a nightmare. It's all my wishful thinking, it wouldn't happen at all. I hate this life.

/

Mother Father
If i were to know who, you will be in dead meat :)

---

Someone doesn't know the defintion of thicked skin.

My flesh, my heart

When the rose are died.

When will it come to an end, a absolute ending?

screwed it

youre my forever love.

ORAL SCREWED IT! DAMN IT. No more distinction. I'm done with the oral for less than five minutes. My teacher said perhaps i spoke too fast already. OMFG! I noticed everyone expression were all the same. And i really wondered why when i felt nervous, my brain are not functioning. Cannot think of anything else to add on. After the oral, I can think of many things to say. Damn it! Everything gonna depend on Listening Comprehension, which is next Wednesday.

After oral, went to Causeway with Jane and May to get tomorrow's ingredients. We spent one hour at Cold Storage choosing fish. And thanks to May as she bought one YanYan for me :D
Comfirm guarantee, I wouldn't be able to handle tomorrow's practical. Screw it ..

Test

Time really flies so fast. I cannot believed that it's already Mid July now.

Really got quite stressed up recently. Test after test.
Like today, Physics formula and SI unit Test, which i scored full marks :D Followed by E.Math test during Coach, which i will flunk it badly.
Tomorrow O'level Mother Tongue Oral.
Thursday: O'level F&N Coursework Part B practical exam, which i seriously so clueless about how to shallow fry the fish. Really regretted to choose that method of cooking. And, I don't know how and where to get the fish @%^&^%$@
Friday: Chemistry test. Topic on Speed of Reaction, a topic which i feel so confusing, as well as, Acid, Salt and bases.

Not forgetting O'level Prelim is one month away only. And i feel so reluctant to take tomorrow Oral. Gonna bang the wall hard if tomorrow oral turn out to be hard. The easy topic came out last week. And back to hard on Monday.

I'm sure i will feel very tire for the first three period tomorrow. Because it's bloody 3 periods of F&N !

I have tons of work for me to do now! @$$#$%^%$

What else?

A number of cases happened in our class. There'll be canning one day after MT Oral. Something I doesn't like it and does not want it to happen. I never never expect this would happen again.
I felt so tired, now.

I don't know which are true. And i no longer trust anyone so easily again. I hate to be fool by -
I feel so disappointed in you. Someone i trusted all along. And it can never be like before, where i can look up for whenever i feeling low.
Maybe you don't feel that way, but i do. Somehow i felt as though you betrayed me.

Good.bye

I don't owe anyone a living.

Things wasn't going right lately. I get so stressed up and wanna fuck everything out. Just leave me alone.
I need to lose some fats now. I need to get my fringe cut.

LJY

LJY is sad now.

LJY is upset now.

LJY is alone now.

LJY is thinking a lot of things now.

LJY feel like crying now.

LJY wants to go out now.

LJY wants to watch movie also now.

All these sudden thoughts ..

What should I do? What should I do?

Aimlessly

What's wrong with me?
Why am i sounded as though I'm starting to anti social.

I mean it

For you

FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK

Where is dream?

I thought my dream has come true, but it's drifting apart again.

Mr Cheng shared his university story with us which i think it make sense and possible. Focus, Study. This is what i should do now. I think i should put other thing aside first.

Missing like nobody business ):

Your every steps

Starting with a new month again. Time passed so fast, it's already July. Missing every little things.

I love Wednesday. Time passes extremely fast. Not sure if it's because the lessons were a little interesting. Started of with 3 periods of F&N which really kills me and hoping for the time to pass a little fast. In order to stay myself awake, I kept walking around the class. Then PE. A fun one with combined of three classes together.

I really enjoyed English lesson. Enjoyed Mrs Heikel's teaching. She actually jokes with the Malay boys together. Our class are having fun studying. I really loves the way she taught us. It's so much different from the ways Mrs Tan taught us before. May be because she knew we're weak in comprehension and she really go into detail and helped us a lot in answering the questions. For now, may be most of us has catch the pattern already.
Seriously, I'm having a big problem in Chemistry. I don't understand the new topic. Probably because I haven been paying attention to Mdm Shuryati.
F&N workshop is a good one! Doing report while playing RC. The teacher has really helped us a lot as well.

I think i need to lose some fats now. Very tired now and seriously need a bed. Has started doing TYS but i think i need to do some revision first. When i reached home, I felt so tired and moodless that I doesn't have the mood to study -.-

---

School has started. Totally worn-out yesterday as i only had few hours of sleeping. Drag myself up early in the morning, and i almost ask if i can don't go for school. Once we step into the school, we got to take temperature at the gate there. I got shocked when i reach there. I think i was cold blooded? Temperature is only 35.3 -.- H1N1 is getting serious, the number of cases everyday has increased. Even during recess, we have to sit together with our classmates. Taking temperature twice in school.

Changed of English and Physics teacher. Though Mrs Heikel is gonna be strict towards us, but she joked with us. Also, our class will be quieter than before. It's kind of automatic quiet. I think our class need more discipline teacher to teach us in order for us to settle down. However, as for Physics, I think i will still preferred Mr Flavian. Good news! The school hall is gonna be air-conditioned by August. Which mean, I can take my prelims and O'level in air-con hall. Awesome! I won't be piss off by the hot weather.

Got sent to detention for one day as i skipped one lesson of booster programme. Did English 2008 O'level comprehension there. As i wasn't in the class, I heard from Yana that Mr Justin made a comparison between our class and 5N1. They did so much better than us during Mid-Year. We know from the start that their standard are so much better than us, almost all get pass with 60, 70 marks. We, always wanted to create a history in 5N2. We, believe that if we work hard, we'll be able to pass well and move on to polytechnic instead of ITE. At the start of the year, many teachers came in to our class and adviced us to go to ITE as the passes of 5N2 are always very low. It's either one or less than five who can move on to poly, but we insisted to stay. We wanted to create a history. So, we must work hard from now. Last lap! Last lap!

O'level Mother Tongue Oral is this coming Thursday. I hope i won't be on the first day. I really scare of the conversation. Scare that I wouldn't know how to answer for it. Please, don't come out all those about Singapore or country thing. I know nothing as i hardly listen to news or read newspaper. -.-

sleeping pill

School is gonna start in few hours time. I can't sleep -.-. I need to get use of school life now. Wake up at 6am, lessons till 1.45pm, getting scold and nag by teachers, homework, coach, and reach home late. I hate this la! I want and must get over O'level. And is soon. It's not hard to achieve good results if i have put in effort.

Missed

School is starting in few days time. I must say I'm not ready for school. Getting used to sleeping late at night and not waking up early in the morning, dragging myself to school, and back home in the late afternoon.

When school start, it means soon O'level is around the corner. It's 121days to O'level English paper. Please, English man!
Suddenly very emo now :(

Michael Jackson Quotes If you enter this world knowing you are loved and you leave this world knowing the same, then everything that happens in between can be dealt with.

Still counting

Because I couldn't sleep, so I came blogging. Just a random post.

I'll never forget. It will always stay deep down my heart. I am still here counting and never want to let time to erase all the memories. I don't want other small little unhappiness thing to bring down my mood. I'm happy and is leading a "good life". I don't know how long it will carry on, but just to hope and pray hard that I'll always stay happy and be strong.

I will try to learn how to get back when I fall down. No matter how many times I've fall, I'm still strong and will be able to get up. Even though I've been doing foolish thing at times, but it will make me feel so much better. I won't want to do all those acts again. The scar never erase and will stay with me forever, which I really very regret for doing it. Though everytime people ask me why, I'll still lie to them, as well as myself, that it'll recover. The ugly scar will not disappear. Whenever i see it, I will think of if time can be turn back, I will not let the thing happen.

I'm trying very hard. And I hope you(r) can see it. Though it's stupid and not worth the doing. I never want to say anything else other than that. I know what, you know what and everyone who understand know what it is.

I would want time to move faster now, so that I'll be able to know what will happen in future and to know the ending. However, I'm afraid to face the future as I'm fear that the ending is not what i hope for. I admit that I'm coward. I yearn for you.

time flies

Time flies so fast.

Why can't time move slower or be stop?

Why can't we control the speed of time?

{/

Life is full of uncertainties.

Time can erase all the memories.

Happy or Sad?

Almost pass out this afternoon. I feel giddy and can't see anything suddenly. Then i lied now to rest. Sister will be going to Thailand on Thursday morning, very morning at 4am. So she got to overnight at Airport. And I'll be away for two days :D No time for study.
No extra one week holiday?! D:

When i was about to go buy groceries at Fairprice, guess who I see? It's JumaliaPrettiestFriend and Fazlina, it has been a week since i last see them. Seriously i miss all my girls very much. I guess we can only see each other when school reopen ):

Nothing but lies

I don't know how should i believe your words.

Your words sounded so fake. You simply make up this story.

I just console myself to accept it.

I don't need anyone to be here with me, because I'm all alone.

I don't need to speak a thousand word.

All i need is, nothing! I feel so sick.

Friends are nothing but flowing water.

quote by you.

Angry! Mad!

It's getting onto my nerves! F***

Woke up with a very low mood.

It's not my day today!!

Care bear

Oh my freaking god! I can't stop looking at the care bear(s) photo. They're so cute! Winnie the Pooh is still the cuter anyway. They give me light.

Look at the picture below. I didn't know that Sinle needed so many different kind of sauces when eating only one Macdonald's meal. She's really crazy. When i tasted BBQ and Sweet & sour sauce, the taste really EEEEEk!

Top left: BBQ sauce, Sweet & sour sauce, Garlic chilli
Right left: Curry sauce, Mayonnaise sauce, Ketchup

I still haven get the Ipod Nano. Though i don't really need it, but i want it. It's so cool. Lol. That time i went to SimLim with mum, I ask the person got Red colour, he said don't have. He said no shop got Red colour unless order online. Mum said Pink look nice, but i think Yellow or Orange would be nicer. Haha. As i seriously don't like Pink. Actually all the colours are nice. Hehe. I found 6packets of kinder bueno in fridge, which means 12bars. And recently, I bought a packet of Kit Kat, big one. Lol. I think im crazy!

Changed!

Finally I get my blogskin changed! I have used the previous skin for about 6months. So i found this skin. I think it's funny, cute and interesting. Lol. Basically, I'm too bored so just look for new blogskin. Thinking of changing blog link. Thought of one already but can't bear to stop using this link. It's pretty troublesome changing link as well.

I met Hon Shirley for lunch yesterday. It has been months since we last met. Settled down at Civic Macdonald's. Catch up with one another, talked and crapped alot. When we were walking to causeway, we saw JieQi. So we stopped and talked about her poly life, O'level and stuff. I've been spending alot of money this holiday. I just bought a new bag last Saturday, and yesterday I newly about to buy another new bag. Lol.

I'm really not in the mood. While talking to Shirley, my mind was actually thinking about some stuff that really cannot make my mind at ease. I was listening to her, but at the same time thinking about other thing. KAO~ I think i really need to sit down and relax myself. Things aren't moving at the right path.

Lastly, I would like to end this post with this picture >

Which kind soul will buy this 7 adorable care bear for me? Lol.

Disappointed in myself.

Another fault of mine. Sorry

The Family

I read your blog and i teared. It has been one year, one month since we last talk. I still remember that day when i came home from school happily, settle myself down and talked to you. But you ignored me and gave me cold shoulder. From that moment, I thought you moodswing, hence i didn't talk to you. As days passed by, I knew what I thought was wrong. I didn't know what I've done wrong. Maybe I guessed it, maybe I don't. Mother and brother knew what went wrong, maybe my cousins knew it, but I'm the only one who doesn't know what went wrong. When they ask me, how's you and her? I said it's still the same. Since it's already one year, I don't know how to start talking to you, and find no topic either.

You started avoiding me, came home late. I make sure I hit the bed before you every night, even if I haven't sleep and you came home, I'll pretend that I went to my la la land. Else, I'll wait until you have sleep then i dare to step into the room. It's pretty awkward.

I read it and I started wondering is it because of that? I've disappointed and upset you. What did I done wrong? Still, so many question marks above my head! I wanted to clarify with you, but i don't dare. Some times I'm just afraid to face you. May be I should just let things hanging like this. It's already happened so long. For how long this cold war will end? When is the day that we still can talk normally, going out together?

It's not about myself anymore.

A random post. I'm too bored already :)

Let's talk about some random things.
#1: Miss Judith said from this year onwards, Passing-Out-Parade will be held in June Choir Camp. This is to make each Choir camp a memorable one. Handyway, i love this year's gift. Name inside gel. So cool! i've took the photo, but lazy to upload.

#2: Finally, i'm done with F&N coursework Part A last weekend. No need to touch it again. The only thing i've to wait for is coursework Part B. I hope that the task is gonna be an easy one. Otherwise, i'll get my buttock infront of computer the 7days doing that coursework.

#3: I hope the sentosa trip will be comfirm asap. I want play beach volleyball! Haha :D

#4: Slept so many hours today. I wondered if i can turn in early tonight. RC is currently under maintenance. This is bored ..

#5: I promised myself to start study next week and to get geography complete. Two weeks of holiday has gone. Now is the third week. Really don't wish school to reopen so quickly. Or rather, don't wish to study ..

Don't know what's wrong with my stomach. Pain from this morning. But now a little okay already. okay .. Why are there so many June babies? Finna Mahadi, tell me what you want!

okay! Done with crapping.

Photos

Some pictures taken the day before.

The little surprise for Angelia.

Angelia, i missed the three little cute doggy. Lol.

Bad hair day

For you, I will.

15th June: Happy birthday Angelia.

Went out with Angelia, Sinle, Finna, Fazlina and Jumalia. Had lunch at Pizza Hut. We ordered alot of side dishes. I'm so hungry at first. I'm full after having a bowl of mushroom soup. Shared my pizza with Ju and Faz. Aftermath, headed to Cineleisure for movie, 'Dance Subaru'. A very nice and touching movie. Highly recommend. It seems like laughing in the threatre is wrong -.- I learn something from the movie. When someone is gossiping about me, it should be thankful. Cause it shows that you care about me.

More photos to be uploaded :)
Sinle stayed over my house . Watch tv, browse through the little photo album. And we laughed out loud. Looking at our past year Class photos, we laughed. Everyone changed. Watch tv, talked alot. We didn't watch tv but just left showing. Then went to bed around 2am.

Just came back from lunch not long ago with Ter Sin Le. She went back to Malaysia already. The time now is 4:27pm. She should reach home in about 30minutes time? Haha. Seriously, I need a hair cut. My current hair suckkkkkkk la! ):
Two weeks of holiday. I did not do any reading. I guessed i have to start studying already. Geography homework is awaiting for me. Gonna do some read-up and leave my RC. But the moment i open up my book, I'll be extremely tired and headache. I must change this habit.

A good start doesn't always lead to a happy ending.

shopping

Out with mummy to bugis. We talked about how mummy give birth to us and her marriage. Mummy were in danger when giving birth to Sister and myself. We went for praying once we reached there. Saw dragon dance. To OG for shopping. Haha. I bought my desire converse haversack bag :D Thank mummy! also bought new pillow, bolster and bedsheet for me. Haha. Mummu bought a bag too. Used up mom's alot of money. At the end, I treat mummy for dinner and bought her a doraemon chair too.

My stomach is getting bigger! I'm FAT again laaaaaaaaa. Must do exercise already. Alright. Have to chiong coursework already.

Random

其实你不懂我的心。

I miss nothing.

I feared.

I'm so so so tired but i can't bring myself to bed. I'll imagine and think of other things. Not again, that pill? I have rely too much on it already. going for check-up soon :)

---

Girl, I'm sure your cousin wouldn't want to see you like this. I know it happened to sudden, it's hard for you to accept it. All you need is time. He doesn't want to see you like this too. I'm sure if he's around, he want you to do well in O'level. So, don't if up on yourself alright. Continued to work hard. There is us for you. Stay strong

Helped out the guys for F&N after chemistry. Chopped too much onion just now, my hand is now full of onion smell. It stinks! Yesyes! My raisin muffins look great today! Haha :D Mdm P baked one cake for Anshari's birthday. The weather is so effing hot.

What the fuck! I did time plan and evaluation on monday. But i saved in my workspace as i forgot to bring thumbdrive. Now i don't have a copy and i'll have to re-do it again. Assssssssssshole! waste my time doing that day. Gonna start doing again, and must complete by Saturday. First send first basis. Alright! My stomach is calling for fooddddddd.

So tired that i turned in the evening. slept for one hour, woke up had dinner and i continued to sleep. Woke up when i had a bad nightmare. So scary ): It had been so long since i felt so tired. I think i need a rest some day again.
Currently at friend house as i forgotten to bring key when i left for school this morning.

Angelia, stay strong alright! We know that you can do it. I teared when i read your blog. We will all be here for you alright.

Practical exam

Suppose to be school at 730am, but i woke up late. Also, i'm very slow at bathing. So i left house at only 725am. Received May's call, then i took a cab to school. Teacher is lateeeeeee. She reached at only 750am. Should have take bus to school.
Practical went smoothly even though some problems occur. I can't stop laughing when Finna showed teacher attitude. This is so funny. HAHA :) After she showed, i showed. Lol. When we ask her some question, she will answer the wrong thing. Thank to May, she is busier than the 5 cooker. Lol. I'm so so so tired now. Gonna get some rest.

Mcdonald's breakfast tomorrow, anyone? :D

Met Finna yesterday afternoon. Coincidentally, we saw Jane and May at Woodlands platform. All of us were heading to Sembawang shopping centre, so we went together. The girls were calling for food. Reached SSC, the first place we hunt is food court. Kopitiam for late lunch. Yana came, we then went to daiso. Looking for plates and buying our own needs.

Haha. I bought this two packet of biscuits.
Initially, we wanted to look out for F&N things, but we ended up shopping -.- I was in a shopping mood, totally very hyper. Aftermath, we went to giant to buy our ingredients. Haha. We had our plan. You girls must help me alright!
Went home, my brother took away one box of biscuit :@ I knew it that he would snatch with me. Haha.

Not all came for F&N lesson today. I acutally showed Mdm P attitude. She seem to expect me to know what time the rest is coming or so. So frad up. Did coursework and went down to food lab2 to get prepare for the plates and equipments that we need tomorrow.

It remain the same

Am i given a chance to say 'No'?

What to do? No idea ..

Speechless. Helpless. Useless.

Pppppppuff ..

The reason

Was away for the past two days. Life has been extremely great lately :D
Finna very mean! blood my tagboard when i'm not around. I know you miss me but no need to do this. Haha :D
Tried out one of the practical dish just now but failed! I always failed one D: Hopefully at the day itself, i can manage it and definitely I need someone help as well. I don't want to be like last year, broke down suddenly.

Not in the mood for blogging. No interest already.

what?

smoky life.

A pathetic of only 7 out of 11 students came for lesson. Get to know only today that Farhan has also dropped F&N. Faiz is still under considering. How about all of us drop?! Lol. Touch up on planning for F&N. Bearly sitting there for approximately 3hour 30min, getting only shopping list done. Guess what i did there?! Restaurant city and window messaging.

Before Mdm Foong left, she told us to use the kitchen plate. Now, Mdm P. told us to get those cute plates that are suitable for kids as the kitchen plate are too plain. WTH -.-!! Both say different things.
Mcdonald with Yana. Had a chat there. Went to sportslink to check whether my nike tank top is still in stock :D Yes! There is.

T M D

I feel extremely lost! Fuck up life!

My mood will change very suck when the sky turned dark.

What's wrong with my fucking attitude? What's wrong with me? I just lost control for nothing.

May be I'm tired in both physically and mentally, but i just never admit it :)

In life, there's always ups and downs. So, just face it and carry on living.

I simply don't get it, why my mood will change at night?

May be the weather is too humid. May be i'm tired and need some sleep.

Don't feel like going to school. Don't feel like studying.

AHHHHHHHHHHHH! FFFF

Sorry, i just need my sleeping pills tonight. Good night!

beneath my words

6 months ago, I'm like this, now, it's still the same.

there wouldn't be any changes, unless otherwise.

A proper update(?).

Had morning cum lunch at Food Horizon with Finna, Angelia and Yana. Cabbed to school as we were late already. As we were 'running' towards the taxi stand, my shoe fly out. -.- All of us burst out laughing! Had geography lesson. Learn about World map and map of South East Asia. Causeway with Finna aftermath. Check out sandals at Charles and Keith. Yes! I found one. But haven't buy yet. To popular for stationary and we bought a same pencil case. A childish one with printer cartoon :D

Alright. It's time to start revising now. I promised that I'll study. Before i get started, I think i should really clean up my house first. I find it so messy. Even since i revised for MYE a month ago, I placed my books anyhow, making my living room so untidy now. Books on sofa, all tables, floor, chair and even at the side of my bed. Stupid -.-!

Tomorrow having F&N lesson. Seriously, I'm still not ready for practical next Tuesday. Not use to have F&N lessons as well. It has been two weeks since i have not touch on F&N. I wonder how tomorrow will be like.

take me away

I know i can't sleep.
Though June holiday is here but it wouldn't be a best and good holiday. Infact, it will be nightmare after nightmare. I will live with a heavy heart each day. Seriously, I don't know why am i here right now? May be too much thoughts? Alright, i shall keep the words to myself. It would be best for everyone then! :D

Good Night.

Screw it

D:
I don't know how to say for today's paper. Somehow screw it, re-take for sure. No confident at all! I didn't write as many as i can. Sure see what's the result in coming August then.
Freaking tired now. Moodless!

Happy Birthday Shirley Lim (:

A happy day :D

I'm a happy girl today :D
O'level mother tongue paper is just tomorrow. My strongest subject among all. Pray hard that it will not be difficult. I want to get the grade i'm targetting for. I don't want to re-take, i don't want to waste time. Good luck to all tomorrow.

Got to know that besides the new circle line. There will be four other lines under planning. I find it very convenient. There's one new line called something coast. This line is now under planning. Probably after the circle line. Can travel from Woodlands to punggol to pasir ris to changi airport. So much convenient. However, it will take years to build as well.

YES YES! My Luo Zhi Xiang will be in Singapore next Sunday for the true hearts charity show. @ Toa Payoh HDB hub! i want go ~ -.-
I really need a new pair of sandals.

4 direction, which one suits me?

First of all, Happy Birthday Fazlina :D

Angelia ask me to update. So .. anyway, my eyes are shutting down soon.
Two weeks for intensive has finally ended. Ms foo left a message early in the morning at our class whiteboard. Went back to school this morning. Mr Goh gave us one kinder bueno :D Skip breakfast and lunch then maggi mee for dinner.
Wanted to read up some chinese compostion but my mind are thinking of some unnecessary things D:
Good thing is practical exam has postponed to the 2nd week of holiday, on the 9th June. But F&N students have to go back to school on the 3rd week while others no need. Damn no life!
@%^%@#$%&*^

okay. I've got no idea what to update. Maybe update a thorough one next time. My back are aching and my eyes are really going to shut.

If i could, i would ..

AHHHHHHH! fucking GASTRIC PAIN! I cannot take the pain.

Two weeks passed so fast. Tomorrow will be the last day of intensive. Half day infact. We'll have to go back to class for cleaning and taking of report book. I think i should laugh at myself when looking at my lousy results. Anyway, teacher very good! He bought us one chicken essence each (:

I wonder if i can make it for Monday's Paper. I haven't memorise the format yet. After paper, the next time i'm gonna worry is F&N practical exam. I haven't start practising the dishes. I don't even know how to cook. I don't even know how the dish is gonna look like. I haven't even do my time plan. So many things not ready yet. And that teacher refused to postpone the practical exam day. She also say we cannot claim money for the ingredients from the school. Which is like, the school has always been paying for that. I'm sure i will do badly for practical. It's gonna turn out another S.H.I.T!
My brother is asking me which ITE i want to go after O'level. Asshole! -.-

And all SBS bus driver has changed their uniform to red long sleeve. Omg! look kind of weird. I noticed something. Whenever i take bus 900 to interchange, i either see the bus leaving or must chase bus. Is not one or two time, but everytime! So sickening.
okay. My gastric hurts badly. I need panadol ..

:D

I LOVE PANDA BISCUIT.
I LOVE POCKY.
I LOVE MARIGOLD HL MILK.
I LOVE RIBENA.
I LOVE STRAWBERRY.
I LOVE KIT KAT.
I LOVE KINDER BUENO.
& I LOVE _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _.

YESSAH. HOLIDAY IS ARRIVING :D can sleeppppppp longerrrrrrr

sometimes you didn't notice that the words are hurtful.

Tired

So, my leg is in great pain D: Why? Cause i stayed at air-con room for too long. From after recess all the way till 5pm (excluding a 45 mintues break). Library is freaking cold. Now, arm started to pain. Asked mummy to massage leg and arm for me last night before i turned in. It's freaking pain. God damn thing! I found a blue black on my leg when i never knock onto anything. AHHHHHHHHHHHHH. PHANIE WANT MASSAGE-GI :(
O'level mother tongue is 6days away. I must say that i ... scared. Hah

Yes! I must say this. Angelia and I were doing the biometric thing. But the device cannot accept Angelia's finger. Only accept her thumb. This is weird. So Miss Chee say she's not a human. She's the special one leyyyyyyy :)
Yessah! A good news. Tomorrow intensive end at 145 again. Teacher got meeting. Wooooooo~

does anyone have a better solution for the following problem?

D:

Today's weather is really humid. Effing hot to the maximum. Moodswing~ Sweating all over and I have to bath so many times a day! -.-
Currently not feeling well. Leg and arm pain, heart beat faster than usual, breathing difficulties, and vomit again! i didn't skip meals, perhaps because of the weather. I want to fall sick so that i wouldn't need to attend school. Naive mindset
Teacher have meeting so intensive end at 145pm today. Cool or what? Awesome shit :D How great if he have meeting everyday. Angie baby got dental appointment, so she came only 5minutes before break.
Left two Chinese question undone. My arm is in a great pain D: Done with ranting. I need to do some exercise now to burn fats.

I want June holidayyyyyyy to arrive fast!

I want O'level to end fasttttttt!

I want to go for my holidayyyyyyy!

I want to enjoyyyyyyy!

So sickening.

how to i survive?

A random picture :)

So shag now! D:

It's becoming more and more uncomfortable.

I can't put myself at ease.

time

time wait for no one.
If time could turn back,
when will i want it to turn back to ?..

why must time fly so fast?

why it couldn't stop at the happy time but to keep on moving?

while, this is life.

the reason people grow up and old.

everthing

Happy birthday Sinle :) get well soon.

atrocious result gonna shown in my MYE report card. Gonna work very hard for prelims. Though i didn't do well, but is improving already. Even if fail also considered borderline fail, except Science. Physics really pull down alot of marks ): Yes! i made it for coursework :)

I wouldn't have Finna to high with me during lesson. When i turn back, i can't see Yana. Without this two girls in class, it make a difference.

changing ..

Mother tongue intensive

people say we looked alike (?)
Talked to Angelia during our 1hour break yesterday. We have got so much things to talk. So many 'hot' topic to talk each time. Ya, something i really find it shocked and i'm sure you know what i'm referring to :) At least i finally told you all those things. But even if i never tell you, i'm sure you know it too. If geraldine is in our class, you can entertain me already. Lol.

And yes! Tomorrow is lesbian's birthday. woohoo. But seriously, i've got no time to get your present. Has been really busy lately.

Mother tongue intensive started yesterday. basically, this two week will be having only chinese lesson, from morning 8am all the way to 5pm. keep on doing other schools MYE paper, really can kill me. Some time really wanted to fall asleep but still pay attention. Unlike Angelia, kept on playing Sudoku. i think i should confiscate your phone. Haha (: Really focused on doing the paper which is a good thing, so that i won't think of other unhappy thing.
I agreed both of us are very noisy. We kept talking in class and made so much noise. laugh at the teacher. But of course, we're controlling our laughter as teacher is standing right in front of us talking. 7 more days to go. Phanie must hang on there! I just hope that i could do well for 1 june O'level paper tongue paper. So that i will not need to re-take and waste my time for afternoon coach programme in term 3 :)

Feel so restless everyday ..

agony in my heart

who can tell me

why happy moments is always short-lived,

while the anguish will always stay in one heart?

who can take away my agony?

what's going on now?

what had happened to me?

where has my hope gone to?

Suffering in great pain.

anguish over the loss of a loved one.

FUCK

horrendous and atrocious result.
Flunk all subjects except Chinese, with a C5 only. Imagine I flunked paper 1! This must be joke. Teacher help me check for my composition writing. She and myself think that i didn't write out of the question. Well, i still don't think the marker will change any marks or something. Got a pass for geography. Combined humanities still fail.
Got back emath paper 2. nearly bang the wall! so many careless mistakes, otherwise i'll get a pass. Forget it since it's already done.

All parents will be call down to school.
Alright! i'm done.

undesire results

I won't forget, neither will i remember.

Mid Year is really badly done. Physics totally a lousy one. didn't expect to fail MCQ. Though i got a pass for chemistry, still gonna pull my science grade down. English, little did i expect to flunk that badly. Not hoping to get even a pass after all the combination of CA marks. If i were to get this grade for O'level, i will kill myself.
Tomorrow gonna take back humanities. i just hope to get a pass on it .__.
And fuck! I forget to look for Mrs Chan to take oral. I don't want to take tomorrow after school! Ass one. Someone please kill me ):

Doing F&N now. Wanted to finish by tomorrow afternoon, so that i will not have to go for the extra 3hours lesson. I tell you, that 3hours will be a painful one.

All by myself.

Decided not to update for this moment. But but but, maybe today will be the last update then i will stop. update depending on my mood ..
On Monday, I caught this movie 'Jangar Tegur', with angelia and finna. Had lunch cum dinner at KFC.

Ordered Mcdonald delivery to school this morning for breakfast. Poor F&N students, like me. Have to return to school for F&N while others should be enjoying outside. Caught 'Horsemen' with angelia and Yana. Had burger king for lunch cum dinner.
Then i have this news that Mdm Salimah told May, she's the only one who passed English Paper 2. Kills me. I know i did badly for Mid Year. Can I don't to attend school tomorrow? I don't want to get back the papers.
My brother just bought a Stage jacket! oh my fucking god! He told me there's only red and blue in colour. So my reaction is, reddddddd. oh my tian!!

I guess i've put on weight. Have been eating fast food three days straight. Kinda sick of fast food already. Headache now ..

problem aroused

Something is really bothering me.

Can someone get me out of here?

No one understand me.

Something heavy is above me.

Your's truly is tired.

Your's truly needs a break.

Far beyond hope. Far far away ..

---

Guess what?
Auntie Carol called me. Haha. So surprising!
My phone is in silent mode, but i saw my phone blinking. I thought it's a message but no it's a private call. When i answered, she called miao miao. So funny
Angelia and I were still talking about insead last night.

drifting apart, again

Woke up by mummy's call. Otherwise i can sleep longer. Still headache now. Ate a panadol but it get worst. Stomach is empty. Someone, please save me! Feel like banging my head against the wall! My back and shoulder hurts. F***

Not feeling well last night. Head is spinning and vomited. Turned in much earlier than usual. I've been turning in lately due to exam period. Either revising or can't bring myself into bed. The night before yesterday, i really have a hard time sleeping. I didn't have any afternoon nap yet i feel very awake. Though i know my mentally is tired, but i just can't sleep. Headache until it seem to explode. Trying to close my eyes without thinking of other things. However, i still don't understand what I'm thinking about actually. No choice but to take 'that tablet'. I relying too much on that whenever i can't get into bed.

Yesterday, when i was packing my bag. As my mind only tells me that today is chemistry paper. I took out mathematic instrument. In the end, never bring. Realised it only on the way to school. Got Angelia to borrow from teacher. And i forget to return -.-
both paper is manageable. Didn't complete math paper. As for chemistry, it's the only paper i think i put hope into it.
Received calls when i got home. rest awhile before heading to Finna's house. Watch a malay horror movie. Her mother cooked lunch for us. Thank you auntie. Felt really restless after the movie. To vista park. Talked, laughed, played. I want to swing high in order to bring my misery away.
We were talking about the chemistry paper and F&N. I totally forgotten about coursework submission tonight. Haven even get starting.
Yana, thank for the strawberry milk. (: Strawberry is loved!

hate it, love it.

Just got back home not long ago. Had lunch with Finna and Angelia baby at food horizon. Then to starbuck to chill and talk. Talk alot .. Suddenly i saw this thing happening. My reaction was very shock! Civic centre Mcdonald's door spoilt. totally hilarious. wanted to capture the scene but too far. Back to causeway point to buy hair band.

Wanted to study at Starbuck. Drinking coffee, enjoying the air-con. Feel so great ya!
Angelia, before the invigilator say you may begin. I'll look up, you make me laugh okay. Lol.

one year ago ..

What had happened one year ago?

There you'll be

Math paper two is still somehow manageable for Section A. When it comes to Section B, gone case .. None of the three questions i can attempt to it. After the paper, most of the people find Section B very difficult. Haha. Left some blanks also. I thought 2 hour 30 mintues is long, but actually is not.
Almost fall asleep for Physics paper. I swear it's difficult for me .__. almost wanted to give up. Left blanks for many questions. Counted 17marks has gone. Anyway, Nasruddin's phone alarm rang suddenly. It's hilarious. I just burst out laughing. Finna laughed at me when i drink water as the water kept dripping -.- She's a bad girl ..
The weather is killing me right now. Headache! Gonna work hard for Tomorrow's Math paper 1 and chemistry in order to pull back the marks. Math paper 1 should be easier, i suppose.

Anyway, i got my spectacles on that day i broke it itself. From red become black, then now is brown (:

suck it in

SUCK BIG TIME. SUCK IT IN!
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

Currently not in the mood for everything. Somebody just totally spoilt my mood .. Or should i say my emotion are taking over me?
Tomorrow Math paper 2 and Physics paper. I don't think i can handle it.
Headache now .. I need sleeping pill. Sure will have problem sleeping tonight. I can't well these few nights. Seem like waiting for something. I don't know. I don't even know what the hack I'm feeling right now.
Tomorrow's paper sure will kill me. I think i will fall asleep. I totally give up. The procedure when taking exam is totally suck.

I hate exam. I hate school. I hate the present. I hate the past. I hate everything that is happening around me now. I hate you. I hate loving someone. I hate being love. I hate the reality. I hate the fact. I hate myself. I hate this world.
This world is filled with unfairness .. It's getting harder, it's getting difficult. My dream are drifting further from me. What's going on right now?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I cannot take it. I can't handle it.
I'm lousy. I'm lousy! I'm not good in everything!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Stop it

Yes, it's you.

One need freedom.

Don't be too selfish, thinking only about yourself.

Try putting yourself into other's people shoe.

You're just making things difficult for people.

If you can, why can't I?

Please, stop it!

Damn it

Feeling so angry right now! Anyway, it's my uncle birthday.

Firstly, Mother tongue paper not very easy. Hope that i can get a better grades and get into the same banding as Angelia. Another bomb one answer out, in the end when we discussed answer, it's almost the same. Totally bullshit one

Secondly, I saw that pervent guy again! This time round, he was targetting another secondary school girl at the opposite block of mine. From what i've saw, the girl behaved normally. Then i kept looking at that guy. Guessed what? I think he saw me. he hid and ran away. I think he's friendless. With this kind of attitude, how he's going to survive in his school when he is only a lower secondary student. Nothing better to do.

Thirdly, my spectacles broke again ): My favourite spectacles, Red in colour one. This time round I'm not going to refix it again. It's a total waste of my time and money. Last time i broke, i waiting for three weeks to get them to fix my spectacles. i guessed i just have to make a new pair of spectacles. Plastic one instead of metal please. Red spectacles again please. And i realised it broke at the same place. Is it the metal is too fragile? Hope mummy will not rant at me .. Maybe i used too much force handling this spectacles.

I just can't get through ..
where are you now?

mistaken identity

Love is blind. There is no right or wrong.

But we need affinity in order to stay together.

Suami ku

Jealousy

By right, i should be revising for tomorrow's paper instead of blogging.
My mood isn't right. i know i will be thinking of other problem instead of studying. I had a nightmare. I hope it isn't real, although it seem to be so real. Everytime has this kind of dream. Which mean something is going to happen soon .. The dream doesn't put my mind at ease.
I should prepare some snacks and milo or tea but not coffee, to burn midnight oil.

I'm going for a hair cut later, just to trim my fringe. It's growing longer and getting irritating (:

如果有机会给你从新选择，

你会怎样做？

是否会和我想像中一样？

期望越大，失望更大。

而我 只能带着平常心，

去等待结果。

A new month

Another month had passed. Things keep on changing, so i hope at the month of May, it will be better.
I've slept for about 16hours! sleep through the whole afternoon. sure cannot sleep tonight
alil headache now. shoulder ache.

Don't know what's wrong with me now. feel like going out for a walk, as well as to give myself a break. Ever since the break down last night, I feel that i'm not myself. I don't know what's the reason behind me, that making me become like this .. I don't know what's my goal and what i want exactly as i know, it's impossible. Things are moving at a very slow pace. Somehow i feel like bursting everything out at one time. I'm tired of the history. What am i fighting for?

Your love embrace me.
aku cinta kau.

white lies

善意的谎言
You know what i want,
but you can never make it.

Bad news! i have to stay in school after my last paper for F&N while others will be happily celebrating or so? Also i have go back to go on marking day for F&N. The school will not sponsor us any money for ingredients. Discussed and chose 4 dishes with teacher, which i feel pretty okay with it.
Listening comprehension a bad one! Didn't really paying attention when listening, I was thinking about other things.
I passed chemistry for CA (:

I WANT KIT KAT! I NEED KIT KAT!

Inevitable

I'm a very kind soul. Thought of drinking sweet drink early in the morning. So i bought two green tea. One for myself, another for Yana. Wanted to give Yana a surprise, but who knows she come to school with TWO bottles of green tea! Thank Yana for coaching me social studies! I passed class test for once.

English paper kills! i swear i'm gonna fail badly this time round again ): who will want to fail English -.- One paper down. Tomorrow MT listening comprehension, followed by MT intensive.
Nike Tank top! Nike red bottle! Converse bag! (:

I'm sad,
I'm lost,
I'm hurt,
More to go,
More to bear with,
But i don't want small little things to affect my emotion.

you

It's enough for today
Just a moment will do.

Didn't intend to update .. but just update for the sake of updating.
Tomorrow's first paper-English. Can't imagine myself taking examination again. Haven't even start revising. So, i should jolly well forget about passing with good great. I think that i'll definitely fail English.

Skipped dinner as i had a lunch cum dinner with Angelia and Sinle at Pizza hut. Still very full -.-
I drank so many cups of water there. Too thirsty already~
It's time to get a new water bottle soon. My bottle just spoilt yesterday's afternoon ):
I want nike tank top! from sportslink!!! (:

Did I, trust?

Monday blues.

Took height and weight measurement during PE. Great thing is that I didn't put on weight but grew taller. Well, i just think that the measurement was somehow wrong. I possibly can't grow 1.5cm taller within about month.
Watched '28weeks later' during LCD lesson. It's a M18 movie. The movie is so grossed! Didn't manage to finish watching the show ):
Mother tongue intensive after school. Combined with the express class. Had a test, this test will depend which class we'll go for the two weeks intensive. I don't want to be separate with Angelia. So i hope that we will score about the same marks. Wahaha :D

slept at approximately 1am last night. Tossed and turned. Resulted to be extremely tired, especially during English lesson. Mrs Tan keep on reminding me to sit up straight. But i still continued to lie on the table. Slept at Finna's shoulder. SO comfort~ Then i turned my head and realised many human beings is sleeping.

A happy day, i suppose.

Do i trust you?

{ xx }

如果感情能像下棋一样，

做任何决定都会三思，

那该多好。

很希望眼前的事实都是假的。

虽然明白历史会不断地重演，

但却不想放弃，

继续等待奇迹的出现。

HATRED

I HATE YOU!

Can your name taken out of my life?

爱有时让我感到空虚

over and over again

I've consider finished development. Even though i didn't do a nice one but i seriously don't give a damn already. I'm getting tired now, my mind are shutting down. I seriously feel that i wouldn't have time to do decision-making next week. Mid-year start next week, MT intensive throw in next week also. Cannot go for F&N extra lesson after school. I don't like the life I'm living now! It sucks. I cannot plan my time properly. Nowadays the weather is effing hot. The heat just made me so frustrated. I feel more annoy when things are not done!

Tell me, how long can i tolerate all this nonsense?

Finna's post

I blog for the sake of Finna. She demanded me to blog one long post about her. Since i just finish doing coursework, i shall blog about it as to fulfil her wish. Hehe

Finna seated next to me in class. she's my partner. She always hyper and crapped with me in class. When we have nothing better to do, we'll sing song :D She has alot of "boyfriends".
We have been in the same class since Seconday One, which means five year of classmate. We starting getting very close only last year, i think. I used to call her tweety bird in Sec1.
Finna always bully me in class =/ Yesterday, she went home after school. When she come for coach, she purposely used all things red in colour. Red hairband, red watch and red crumpler bag :@
We will help one another in school work when we faced problem solving questions. I think she loves cookie monster. Finna loves to bite people also. She copy me de. I'm the one started to bite her first, then she go around biting others.
Today, Finna and I had lunch at pizza hut. We talked about our things. We're late for coach already. we laughed like some asshole when arriving school. laughed non-stop.
Finna has small ear, like monkey. Oooops! anyway, Finna is a monkey.
WE LOVE TO SAY 'AWESOME'! :D

enough

Sometimes, it's just too much for me to bear.

cease the time

History kept on repeating ...

slept very earlier last night, like after dinner. Too tired
Too busy with school work, everyday got F&N coach until 5+. Yesterday ended a little early, helped teacher to do something. So many things to catch up for F&N ): development is only 20% completed, deadline this Saturday night! Some times i really cannot take it on school work. I really regretted coming back to Sec5, cannot cope it. I guessed i will flunk badly for tuesday's F&N test. Totally got no idea how to do the paper, clueless one.
I think i won't online that often, need to start revising for mid-year. Slacked too much last year, all the foundation is gone.
Our class cupboard is damaged as the boys throwed Walter in. It's hilarious. Copying English vocabulary words is better than doing comprehension cloze.
Thank Yana for teaching me Social studies. I can handle the test that day (:

p/s: missed
still .. i believed it will happen again someday

School suck

First paper for MYE is next wednesday. My Chinese teacher told us that there's intensive next Monday and Tuesday, then break for MYE and then resume after MYE. she also said that Saturday will have to go back to school ._. I thought i can give myself a Saturday break.

So many tests tomorrow. F&N, Social studies, chemistry and continue Chinese test.
Didn't get to finish chinese compostion writing, writing crap. Also screwed up for today's Emath test. Went in the class late not knowing what to do, thought teacher gave worksheet to do. In the end, it's T-E-S-T. Finna told me question two easier, so i thought is two question choose one. I didn't even bother doing the first question then until she told me faster do.

Ashamed to be a F&N student. Sucha failure ):
Yana, you haven teach me SS ley ): I better go read up some of the things now

missed.......

IF ...

My Lil' Enen's birthday~ she looked so cute!

I just reached home an hour ago, bathe and sitting right in front of computer. Feeling so great after having a warmth bath. Had a sumptuous dinner (: I still feel so full now. Durian cake is nice leyyyyyyy :D
cousin drove me to many places this afternoon. I guessed i put on weight again, somebody say i put on weight also ): Crapped with relatives after dinner. Many upcoming birthdaysssssss too.

Girls, please don't remind me of yesterday night, especially inside the bus. It's hilarious!

I chose not to probe and to know at times. It hurt, as well as tiring to face the cruel reality.
If everything could remain this way or could be better.
Some times, your smile can make me even stronger .......

NO Turning Back

I can't sleep .. I just can't put myself to sleep. So i came to blog early in the morning. I woke up every hour, checked phone then back to bed. It's just so sickening when my question is not answered. Somehow thing aren't get better.
I'm going out now, just to get roti prata .. :D

I really hate you! How great if you're vanish forever and never return. So that i'll never see you or hear your name again. I can never be happy when i speak about you. You're sickening.

let it be like this

You may have forgotten about the bond you developed with someone in the past, but they are back in the picture. It's time to sort through your emotions and figure out what's right for you.

Enen birthday tomorrow ley (:

breakfast with Finna. CIP was pretty good as compared to last year. Group with Finna and Yana. Finished off quite early, slacked, waiting for the uncle to pick up the recycled materials. Got one auntie very good. She gave us 3 packets of Ribena and 1 can of red bull. Haha. We bought Yakult from the Yakult auntie also (:
Home to rest.

Just had dinner with Angelia, Finna and Yana at al-ameen. I left half the rice untouch. Anyway, planned to have Curry Fish head but don't have already ):
It has been so long since we really talk, joke and crap.

i just crave for all this suddenly!
(egg) Roti prata, Curry Fish Head, is awaiting for me.
Fish & chips, Pizza, Garlic Bread, Mushroom soup, Pasta, Donut is queueing behind.
Still got more to come.

could be better

the cookie is extreme nice ley[:

It's was a tiring day yesterday. I've to rush home after F&N coach, which ended only at 430pm. I have special request from teacher to let me leave earlier. Changed clothing then off to VCH with huihan and su xian. On our way there, we got to know that Dance has clinched a Gold. We started become nervous. Alighted at city hall and cabbed down to VCH. met shiphrah and co. there.
I broke down immediately when i heard the result. Dinner at marina square. The scenery is beautiful ..
HuiHan, i know your secret hor! but i won't tell anyone =/

F&N coursework due tomorrow, latest night. Managed to finish Research but I'm stuck badly at Development. Someone help me please. wahaha :D
Chemistry and Social Studies test has postponed to next Tuesday!
ATTENTION TO ELLIYANA BINTE ALI: I NEED YOUR HELP BADLY. I UNDERSTAND NOTHING FOR SOCIAL STUDIES.

FINNA! I Miss You. Why you food poisoning? What did you eat? haha. When you're not around, no one crap and hyper with me!

p/s: show is coming tomorrow.
& i want V8! i want Fish & Chips.